yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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