He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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