I was born with a shot glass in my hand
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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