I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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