I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
