the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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