Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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