All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
