One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
