Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
