Don't make out with my wife yet
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize