I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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