Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
