Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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