Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
