Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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