Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
