I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
