I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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