Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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