Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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