Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
