I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
