so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
