dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize