I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
