are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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