just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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