he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Randomize
