I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
