that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
