omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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