I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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