Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Randomize
