I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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