woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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