Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
