Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
