I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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