Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
