I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
