Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
