I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's blow job season.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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