Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
it was like eating out sand paper
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
