Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
