Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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