Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
