Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
