Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
