It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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