I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize