I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Michael Bay diarrhea
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
