one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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