I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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