its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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