I wanna passion pit in your ass
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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