I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
