Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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