you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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