Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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