Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
