So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize