i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
It's Friday. Sex?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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