I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
