I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
