He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize