How'd it feel making her break her religion?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
