Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
